Vision Holders & Letting Go
- nick2696
- Apr 18
- 5 min read
Updated: May 27
It's an incredibly valuable thing
To have people in your life hold a higher vision for you
That see who you are
And know where you're headed
No matter what
Without condition
Near or far
If we speak every week or once a year
They know your essence - your courage and dedication is seen.
They want the best for you, knowing it's the best for the world.
I began to write this with tears drying, as my long term psychologist leaned in to speak at the end of our session..
... that although this brief reconnection has been important and he's always going to be here, the reality is most of my continued work will not be with him.
The truth is, this moment is about honouring.
I wasn't ready to see it - but he was right.
What a GIFT. To speak what we both knew to be the reality, and to liberate with love.
An unexpected moment yet also inevitable.
Tears and joy, bittersweet but filled with love
For the journey we felt privileged to share with one another.
Acknowledging all that we had accomplished - and knowing that this person has my back and always will. These are the relationships that truly make the change.
And although this was a professional one, this way of relating deeply matters to me.
Holding the highest vision for each other.
Honouring and letting go when it's time. To me, this is love.
I'm on a short visit - clearing out the last remaining physical pieces of life in Australia.
13 beautiful years - in a place I thought i'd never dream of leaving (never thought to get that EU residency post brexit damnit!)
Although I knew it was time to let go some time ago - it has taken 4 years to "finish" the process.
Lots of small belongings that I didn't think really mattered or would be worth the trip - yet the process has been surprisingly freeing.
Every object examined, brief memories felt of who I was when I decided that item was important to me (ok maybe less so for that box of cables...).
With each piece a little bit of energy released.
Magic & potential unlocked, to craft something new.
I have no idea what this next chapter looks like or even where it is.
I do know what's ahead is BRIGHT & BEAUTIFUL.
It's inevitable. Why?
I have past experience/data that create confidence - I've shown myself to be incredibly resilient and adaptive in new environments.
Dedicated myself to expand my capacity - the container is bigger.
Crucially and recently, i've learned to love my dear, wounded little boy so much harder when he needs it the most.
Yes, wounded - a challenging image. But pretending this has not been his past is neither accurate nor honouring. Now he needs to be seen and cared for with a full heart.
Although I stumble often, and the journey at times deflates me.. I hold this higher vision for myself and know where I'm headed.
I have people that hold it for me when I cannot.
There is an acceptance that in all likelihood, life will continue to challenge. I may forget myself, slip into phases of harsh self criticism. At times isolate and feel ashamed.
I've been there many times, and I'm more OK with it now.
It doesn't mean I'm a failure, or too slow, or really anything at all.
I remain open and receptive to this shifting, but I'm not shaming the present.
I am keenly aware of the concept of abracadabra. Words are spells - as I speak I create.
Yet acknowledging the current reality is not disempowering in my view. It's not manifesting more of the same. It's just accepting the now. If I'm not accepting the now - there's no foundation to grow from.
There's also comfort in knowing each day I'm better equipped.
I'll shame myself less.
Reach out to friends quicker.
Sit in something for hours rather than days.
Tell myself that it's OK to crumble again even if it felt so complete 2 days or 2 months ago.
I'll choose to breathe into my body - even when I absolutely do not want to. Even if I feel nothing, the action alone proves I care.
The challenges are all part of it - I'm finally learning that.
Acceptance, for me, is power. It creates permission > Space > Freedom > Transformation.
This healing journey is life-long, I've accepted, like it or not.
There are so many moments it feels unfair, exhausting, confusing.
The bigger shifts recently are in the lessening of shame around where I'm at.
Not longing to be perceived as someone that I'm actually, evidently, not.
I know what's on the horizon, but clinging onto a future ideal leaves the current day me feeling ignored and neglected.
How freeing, to understand, inhabit and actually accept who you are.
I've also learned to be an honourable, patient, loving (if sometimes exhausted) self-parent.
Nicky went through so much - I can admit that now - and I know he needs my patience, love, presence and sometimes a little extra sprinkle of sweetness that only a devoted papa can give.
I didn't used to want to admit how I hadn't truly cared for him.
I felt ashamed that rather than taking full responsibility for his needs - I had chosen to outsource them.
It made sense, the hurt of seeing how neglectful I had been to him was too much for me to bear. Perhaps you can relate.
The man is humbled now - his sleeves rolled up, crouched down to meet him, engaged. Present.
It's often wobbly, but my willingness to show up has been noticed.
Feeling deeply, continues to surprise me, as the superpower I didn't know I needed.
Building the capacity to be in both the daily celebration (for real, how many people do you know that truly celebrate?) and the discomfort, which an expansive and courageous life inevitably brings.
It's no small feat.
And everything, I've learned, is just one day at a time.
Today
I'm moving with life , feeling more at home in the world than little Nicky ever dreamed possible.
Deeply committed to more compassion, more surrender, more trust and unapologetic sharing of what matters to me, with those I care about.
I continue to listen, trust and let go. It's never ever easy.
There may be months or years of clinging....
And it is the tender work of a loving inner parent to prize those fingers away one by one, stroke his head and whisper beauty in his ear.
The higher self remembering, deep trust is a vital component for magic.
To all the incredible Australia-residing humans who have been on team Nick since 2012..
I hadn't truly appreciated it, but the immense love and support I've received has made me the man I am today.
And he is a pretty incredible man - I can confidently say that today.
With a deep bow..
Australia,
I'll be here in a heartbeat, if soon it aligns for us to come together again, to bite into your delicious fruits and let the juices drip down my chin, sipping an almond cap in the sun
But for now,
I thank you, I honour you, I love you, and I let you go.
In love,
Nick
If you're interested in starting or continuing your therapeutic journey, we recorded a podcast episode on some of the common challenges and my personal process over the years in finding something that really works.
Check out his other work too. He's pretty great.
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